Changes

Have you ever tried to start a new life? It sounds kinda hard don't you think? And I know, it certainly is. But sometimes these changes need to happen and most of the time, we can't do anything about it.

For the past months, a lot of changes happened to me. Most of it was acceptable but some really sucked.

Last January, I left for California to take NCLEX, which I passed, and to pursue my career in nursing that went nowhere because I needed to go back home to take the local board again because of the NLE leakage last June 2006. Just to let you know, it was a big step for me to revoke my license and take the whole examination again. And I'm really thankful that I still passed. I'm even more thankful that I also passed my IELTS exam. But despite of the fact that I was not able to work, I was still happy to go home to see my family, friends and my then boyfriend.

Then, last June, my family left for Connecticut, permanently. My father was petitioned by his employer and included the whole family. Actually, I was not included in the approved traveling applicants, maybe because I was already over aged, but I was still able to come with them since I have a U.S. tourist visa.

A few months passed and there was still no progress with retrogression, so I couldn't get a job. I waited and waited, but I was not lucky enough. Around this time, my then boyfriend and I were on the rocks, which, well, as you already know, ended.

I'm almost 2 weeks away from the expiration of my visit here and I was ready to go back to the Philippines. Actually my flight was supposed to be on Friday but I don't think I'm coming home.

I went to a well-known immigration lawyer this afternoon and told him about what happened to my petition. He advised me not to go home as we try to process my papers for my green card before time runs out. I know I should be a happy about this, but I can't understand why I feel so depressed about it. I was so eager to go home already and I'm just a few days away from my flight, then all of a sudden, everything changed.

I'm so full of emotions right now that I can't explain.

When I got here last June, it occurred to me that I'm gonna be staying here for awhile unlike last January, which only lasted for 2 months, but I was wishing deep inside that it would be just until my visit expires. And now that there's a big possibility that I'll become a permanent resident, this fast... I'm just so confused.

When the lawyer told me about the chances of having a green card, that was the only time I realized that I'm gonna have to start and accept my new life here. I don't want to, but I need to because it's the right thing to do. I never really felt so home sick when I first got here because everything was still new and I was busy exploring this new world to think about home. But now that I've been here for more than 5 months, I really want to go home even though my whole family is here. It's still a different world.

I'm not really a huge fan of change. Actually, I'm not accustomed to change. I hate change. I avoid change. But I guess I can't do anything about it, can I?